Do you ever notice how sometimes it's possible to be alone, yet not feel lonely..
and at times, to be surrounded by people and feel so isolated and forlorn?

Such a sad feeling, the one of feeling lonely.

But is it a necessary place?
One where we are able to hear ourselves think?

I've been alone.
I've been lonely.

I think that sometimes the lonely feeling comes
when you are hoping for something that doesn't come to pass.
It begins with disappointment
with the loss of hope
and becomes loneliness.

Webster's defines lonely as:
1 a : being without company : LONE b : cut off from others : SOLITARY
2 : not frequented by human beings : DESOLATE
3 : sad from being alone : LONESOME
4 : producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation.

Some words/phrases that jump out at me - solitary, cut off, desolation.

How does one take these feelings and turn them into something less bleak? Perhaps by focusing on something else.. something important and vital to achieving our dreams and life goals? Perhaps.

So on what should I focus? Well, major goal - to earn my ADN and work in a hospital as an RN. My preference, without having experienced the different areas of nursing, is to work in pediatric oncology. At this moment, I am working toward that goal. I am halfway through my first semester in college.

I must keep in mind that my focus should be on the things that I can control. Things that do not involve another person. I remember having discussions with one of my sweetest, smartest friends. She has assured me more than once that I must focus on me, I must be, and I must enjoy everything else as "gravy". So true. It's when I start to look at the "gravy" as being the full meat and potatoes that I get sidetracked and begin to lose my way. I must remain focused on MY goals. And I will.

OK, enough of the self analyzing for tonight. I had a WONDERFUL weekend. Met a friend of Griff's, Don, who was down visiting from Chicago. It was nice to talk a little bit about the city, and it was great to meet this guy. He is supposed to email Griff some photos from the weekend, so if they make it to me, I'll try to remember to post one or two on my blog.

A group of friends gathered Saturday for a bonfire. I contributed an Irish Cream cheesecake, and an appetizer of baked brie in puff pastry (with an apple/cinnamon topping baked inside). It was a great time with a lot of laughter.

Griff and I enjoyed the entire weekend. Sunday afternoon became a bit more dreary as Don headed back to Chicago and we realized the fun weekend was over and making way for another week of working doldrums. *smile* But we enjoyed one another's company immensely. I love this man. I wonder if/when I'll find it possible to tell him. =) Sometimes I think I should just let it all out there; just tell him how I feel and what I'm thinking. I did that on a smaller scale several weeks ago. And it moved things alone a little bit further. But there are a lot of things that seem difficult for him to overcome in order to advance. I know I'm setting myself up for a possible heartbreak, but then I also remember one of my favorite quotes - "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." Hmmm, I was Googling that to see who deserves the credit for that one, and there seems to be some dueling info out there. Hmmmm! Well, for now let's just say that it's a great quote. =)

OK, I'm very tired and obviously feeling pretty emotional! So, I'll hush for now before I regret this posting!

Sweet dreams to all...