Retrospect.. Introspect.. Self Respect

OK, so maybe my last post found me feeling quite satisfied with the way my life is going.

I'm not saying that I'm not.
Satisfied.

But, I'm just the kind of person who is always reaching.
Wanting to milk every precious drop
from my time here.

I learned last night that a very kindhearted and TOO YOUNG TO DIE man
has one or two weeks left to live.
It makes me wonder...
I wouldn't want a long time of suffering.
But I think I would want more than one or two weeks.

I believe it is beyond important to make sure we spend our days in such a way
that we won't be on our deathbeds saying "I wish I had..."
and this latest sad news hammers it home to me again.

No, I'm not taking back my "I am happy inside of myself" blog.
I'm just adding to it.

Now, I'm off to resolve and revive.
Peace.

2008

I can hardly believe it. 2008...

Funny - this is the time of year that by now I've spent at least a couple of weeks thinking diligently about what I want to try to focus on in the year ahead, changes I want to try to make in my life, etc.

I've not been doing much of that at all this year.

Could it be?
Could it be that I'm finally feeling comfortable inside of myself?

Sure, there are still things I want to improve..
experiences I want to try.

But, maybe... just maybe... I feel good where I am.
I know I'm not finished with myself.
But I do know that I'm headed in the right direction.

Today I spent more time thinking about what I've done in the past year
than about what I want to "fix".

That makes me smile.

However.

If you know me at all, you'll know that I'm still going to make a list or two of things I want to achieve in the coming year. =))

That's just the way I am.
It's one of my truths that I've always known about myself.

***

The past year has been one of discovery.
2006 was a year of many experiences.
2007 has been the year of discovery and recovery.
Of feeling the truths within myself and not compromising myself for anyone or anything.

So much to be grateful for in the past year.
You know who you are.
=) My white-water rafting experience.

ZP

Another photo!!

Wow... I can't believe I forgot to ever post this photo! It's me with my BIRTHDAY GUITAR!!!

Another good weekend ahead!!!

GriFF's birthday is coming up next week!!! What I wouldn't give to have the money to make his birthday the celebration I feel it should be...

Tomorrow we are going camping. I know we're both CRAZY excited about it. I'm going to drive down to the campground tomorrow as soon as I get out of work, get my things together, and pack the coolers. I'll be able to unpack some of our things, and set up a little study area so I can study while I wait for him to arrive. While I'll miss our drive time, I think this will work out well. We'll get a good spot, and I'll get to study outdoors. Cool!!!

Things are going fairly well. I've had some major ups and downs the past couple of weeks. But, yesterday I received a text message that gave me clarity and made my heart smile. (thank you!!!) It was a definite lift out of such a stressed-out space... 17 credit hours is a lot. And to think I was considering signing up for 20??? Anyway... my job was causing the most stress. It's uncertain how long I'll have the job. But more than that, I am just unable to accomplish everything in my shorter shifts. In the summer, I was working 5 - 7 hours a day, and was getting most things taken care of each day. Now I'm back to 3 - 4 hours a day, but still trying to handle the same workload. It's not working!!! Anyway, I've got a few solution possibilities in the works, and I'm just trying to make the best of each day.

Blah blah...

Well, off to finish more Psych homework!! Then time to clean out my car and pack for camping!!! woo hoo!!!

Wow... check this out. This is how I looked (for a few weeks, anyway!) less than 2 years ago. ha!

I found a few fun little "blogthings" quizzes this afternoon, while trying to chill my brain... Found this interesting!!

What European city do you belong in:

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions. You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?

And my Celtic Horoscope:

You Are A Pine Tree

You love agreeable company, peace, and harmony. Compassionate and friendly, you love to help others. A natural poet, you have a very active imagination. You are very soft on the inside - needing affection and reassurance. You can fall in love deeply, but you will leave if you feel betrayed.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

So ready for this weekend!!!

I'm at the end of my second week back in classes...

I absolutely love learning now that I'm old. =)

It's stressful, though, working and going to school. My job requires mental focus in something I really don't care about, and that needs to end. I'm looking... I called the hospital this afternoon and am supposed to follow up with them again tomorrow morning. There are some registration positions available that should fit my schedule. Wish me luck!

I'm also considering going over to Cracker Barrel and looking into either waitressing or hostessing. It would be busy, but I spoke to a girl in one of my classes and learned that they are very flexible with their employees. So, we'll see.

GriFF and I are going camping this weekend! Woo hoo! I am looking forward to it more than I can describe.

Today's mood = Strange and Uncertain

So, I'm not doing so well (yet)
at trying to post nearly every day on my blog, huh???

But, I am happy to report that I DID scrap 2 pages..
the layout of 39 Things to do before I am 40.

And, maybe today is the first day that I'm going to try to blog on a nearly daily basis? One never knows.

***

Why is it that it's sometimes so hard to see the positives in things?
Is everyone else bogged down, at times,
by the things that aren't so positive?

I've heard talk of a "gratitude journal",
where people write a few things they are grateful for
every day.

Sometimes they admit that they are struggling to find 3 or 4 things to write about.
But there is always something.
Maybe this is something I need to do??

Sometimes there is enough good to truly outweigh the stresses in life.
You just have to notice it.
Maybe write about it.
That's what I'm going to do.

=)

PS - Jozzie you are NOT a bad friend. It IS still my birthday month, so you're not even late!!! =) One day I'll make it back to Chicago, and we'll have those mai tais. And pad thai. And pot stickers, or those little bun things with meat in them. Yeah, those. I forgot what they're called.

And... here's a picture, in keeping with my "39 Things"... I'm in a strange mood, so you get a mug-shot self portrait. ha!

Happy Birthday TO ME!!!

Just a quick post... Photos to come later, as I'm too excited to sit here downloading and posting much!!!

Today is my 39th birthday. It got off to a FABULOUS start (hee!), but then I had to go to work. And getting my books for school didn't go as smoothly as I wanted. More on that later.

BUT... then GriFF called to tell me he was all set for me to come home and celebrate my birthday. He greeted me with a flute of champagne. We are definitely off to a great start here!

Then, the sweetest card EVER.

Then, gift # 1 - a Mexican food cookbook. YUM and one of my favorite things to do!!! OK, two of my favorites - cooking, and eating!!!

Gift # 2 - a Chinese food cookbook. Awesome... (We've perused both and have several recipes on the list to try "first" - and a few that will be placed on the *back burner* and never attempted - ha!)

Gift # 3 was this tiny little package. I unwrapped it, and it was... guitar tools???? Guitar tools???? He says "wait, what could those be for? I'll be right back."

I thought I would faint.

I definitely stopped breathing...

He listened.
He heard me.
When I said ONE TIME.. that I had always wanted a guitar and no one would ever gift me one. Oh... my... God.......

He got me a freaking Ibanez acoustic!!!

There are photos, of me holding it and grinning grandly!!! However, this is more time than I meant to spend online already. So off I go. Photos to be posted tomorrow.

Ah.... the best birthday EVER! The best birthday gift EVER. The best man EVER.

*sigh*
SMILE

...

39 Things...

It's been so long since I've posted to my blog... Lots to write about, but that seems overwhelming.

And...

The reason I'm here posting today is because I was motivated by Elsie’s weblog! She created a layout listing 24 things she wants to do before she turns 25. I've always been inspired by this type of list, and this is a new take. Elsie does tell everyone to make sure they include things they can actually accomplish. It's true, many of us do tend to have BIG dreams. Not a bad thing, but let's face it... It's very discouraging to set grand goals and accomplish few to none of them. The last thing I need right now is more negativity!!!

I am going to make a fabulous layout listing these things.

For me... I turn 39 next Tuesday! I could list 38 very small tasks to complete by next Tuesday, but I'd rather work on 39 things to do before I turn 40. This way, I can include a few *big* things.

So much fun!

39. Complete all pre-RN classes before Fall08, so I'm ready for the Nursing Program!
38. Submit application to the RN program before February 1, 2008.
37. Find/Buy a cheap used guitar.
36. Find the perfect sundress (for me)!
35. Finish charcoal sketch of "the shack".
34. Finish my first painting.
33. Make the Dean's List for Fall 07.
32. Make the Dean's List for Spring 08.
31. Choose 20 songs to practice with GriFF.
30. Update GriFF's existing website - in preparation for... (See # 29)
29. Create GriFF's new and improved website.
28. Learn to swim.
27. Write Tane' Ya a long letter.
26. Watch every Bears game in the coming season.
25. Buy a CUTE Bears shirt.
24. Find the perfect drink recipe utilizing Champagne.
23. Get a job at the hospital!!
22. Work with my budget every week.
21. Use my planner/calendar daily.
20. Study, study, study!
19. Continue to conquer my fear of heights.
18. Run a 5K.
17. Visit all of my friends in Chicago.
16. Contact the local Habitat for Humanity to find out when they meet.
15. Have a Reiki session with Deb Powers.
14. Design and create 20 greeting cards.
13. Create and implement an exercise (toning) plan (as soon as my foot heals!).
12. Choose 10 people who have touched my life in some way and thank them.
11. Rent a storage unit and use it for creative space.
10. Start dreaming and planning the trip I want to take when I graduate.
09. Blog on a *nearly* daily basis, with photos!
08. Look into starting a CoDA group here.
07. Perfect a frozen cocktail. Find recipes and have a blast trying them out!
06. Plan GriFF's *birthday month*.
05. Start my *inspiration journal*.
04. Meditate daily.
03. Breathe...
02. Smile...
01. Buy a hat.

Thanks for the inspiration, Elsie!!!