and... Day 6 (T minus 26!)

So here I am... Day 6 of my 21-Day Challenge. To be. To enjoy the journey.

I was thinking this morning about how maybe my challenge isn't so much of a challenge. There's nothing tangible, like running every morning, drinking enough water every day, etc. But let me tell you, this is not easy for me.

To be is not just to breathe, to survive. To me, to be is to fully experience my situation. And this situation is not a comfortable one.

Yes, I'm in a beautiful place, staying in a beautiful home with good friends. But my heart is elsewhere. So this time, these remaining 26 days (yes, today is T minus 26!), are giving me much time for deep reflection.

I'm thinking of all of the things I need to do over the next several months. I'm thinking of taking important steps with people in my life. I'm also thinking of the past 38 years of my life, the things I've done, choices I've made, things I have not experienced.

I see my friend Joz, with her two beautiful children. I am so happy for her that she has Ava and Connor. I always wanted children. I've been married twice. Yet I have no children. I'm sure that is for the best, since I'm no longer married. Or, would things be different if I had children? Would I still be married to my second husband? Those are questions that I'll never be able to answer. I can be ok with that.

I always try to see the positive side of things. To make good out of my situation. Back when I learned that Mike no longer wanted to have children, I went through a period of mourning. And I decided that I would move forward and find other ways to use my natural nurturing tendencies.

I can continue to nurture in other ways. And I will.

And I will be.
And I will enjoy my journey.