Definitions

Today someone described me as
"the beguiling Miss Rene"!!!
Doesn't that sound just fabulous???
Beguiling.

Of course
I had to look up the definition.
I thought about it and couldn't be certain
not 100%
what it meant...

Imagine my *um* interest
when I saw this on the Webster site:

Main Entry: be·guile
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): be·guiled; be·guil·ing
transitive verb
1 : to lead by deception
2 : HOODWINK
3 : to while away especially by some agreeable occupation; also : DIVERT 2
4 : to engage the interest of by or as if by guile
intransitive verb : to deceive by wiles
synonym see DECEIVE

Oh my... Deception? Hoodwink?? Divert?

Mind you, the person who used this word
and I
have never met...
But I know enough to know that
(a) I am none of the above
(b) He wouldn't say such a thing
(c) there MUST be more to the word than that!!!

So, I did your basic Google search.
I was directed to a site called The Free Dictionary
where the definitions were these:

be·guile(b-gl)
tr.v. be·guiled, be·guil·ing, be·guiles
1. To deceive by guile; delude. See Synonyms at deceive.
2. To take away from by or as if by guile; cheat: a disease that has beguiled me of strength.
3. To distract the attention of; divert: "to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming" Abraham Lincoln.
4. To pass (time) pleasantly.
5. To amuse or charm; delight. See Synonyms at charm.

Ahhh... Much better!!!
Amusing, charming, delightful.
These are words I like!

Is it really???

I can't believe it's almost 1am. Yours truly has to be up by 6 at the ABSOLUTE latest, and at work by 6:30. Have I lost my mind?

Ha. Guess you do have to have a mind in order to lose one... *ha*

I spent the evening at my parents'
working on laundry
and trying to get things organized.
Also spent quite a bit of time online.

One thing I wanted to accomplish was inspired by Theresa's blog...
She talked about her NY Resolutions and checked her status on each one.

I realized that I barely remember my own intentions.
Did I blog them?
Maybe I saved them as a Word doc?
I want to find them.

Or, do I just want to start from today
with current intentions?
Surely some of them would be the same.
But there could very well be new ones.

Something about my health...
Need to be specific.
Gear it toward working out
and the way I eat.

Something about my mind...
But with school
maybe I shouldn't add something
just focus on my studies until May 6th.

Finances
Eww...
But I have to go there.
I'll think about that one tomorrow. =)

Creativity
I'll set some goals
for summer.
Things like
a photo a day
creating cards
need a specific goal for that
2 new designs per week?
My art...
hmmmm...
Will be doing some sketching
when GriFF and I are camping...
But I need to set goals.

Well, I've got the groundwork started.
More thinking on this tomorrow!
Or would that be later today...
It is tomorrow already!!!

Speaking of art...
I entered my first art show this past weekend.
No awards, but it was still a good experience.
Here are my submissions.
Pardon the cheap WalMart frames...
The judge even said in his speech
that there were some really good pieces that
were in some horribly cheap frames.
He said he refused to consider those for awards
because if you put your work in a cheap frame,
it tells him you aren't proud of your art.
You don't care.
No,
what it tells you
you arrogant, ignorant prick...
Is that some of us can't afford a $85+ frame.

Mine are the black and white (charcoal) pieces in the CHEAP WalMart frames... Enjoy!

Current mood... whimsical!

OK, not fully whimsical, but there are a couple of parts of the Webster definition that can definitely describe my current state of mind:

"lightly fanciful"

and

"subject to unpredictable change".

And, I'm gonna let you in on a secret... I am so very much in LOVE, absolute LOVE, with this man:



(That's us at a 3/17/07 gathering of friends!)

And I haven't told him yet.

But he's gotta feel it... gotta realize it.

I feel it... I realize it...

YUM!!!

Do you ever notice how sometimes it's possible to be alone, yet not feel lonely..
and at times, to be surrounded by people and feel so isolated and forlorn?

Such a sad feeling, the one of feeling lonely.

But is it a necessary place?
One where we are able to hear ourselves think?

I've been alone.
I've been lonely.

I think that sometimes the lonely feeling comes
when you are hoping for something that doesn't come to pass.
It begins with disappointment
with the loss of hope
and becomes loneliness.

Webster's defines lonely as:
1 a : being without company : LONE b : cut off from others : SOLITARY
2 : not frequented by human beings : DESOLATE
3 : sad from being alone : LONESOME
4 : producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation.

Some words/phrases that jump out at me - solitary, cut off, desolation.

How does one take these feelings and turn them into something less bleak? Perhaps by focusing on something else.. something important and vital to achieving our dreams and life goals? Perhaps.

So on what should I focus? Well, major goal - to earn my ADN and work in a hospital as an RN. My preference, without having experienced the different areas of nursing, is to work in pediatric oncology. At this moment, I am working toward that goal. I am halfway through my first semester in college.

I must keep in mind that my focus should be on the things that I can control. Things that do not involve another person. I remember having discussions with one of my sweetest, smartest friends. She has assured me more than once that I must focus on me, I must be, and I must enjoy everything else as "gravy". So true. It's when I start to look at the "gravy" as being the full meat and potatoes that I get sidetracked and begin to lose my way. I must remain focused on MY goals. And I will.

OK, enough of the self analyzing for tonight. I had a WONDERFUL weekend. Met a friend of Griff's, Don, who was down visiting from Chicago. It was nice to talk a little bit about the city, and it was great to meet this guy. He is supposed to email Griff some photos from the weekend, so if they make it to me, I'll try to remember to post one or two on my blog.

A group of friends gathered Saturday for a bonfire. I contributed an Irish Cream cheesecake, and an appetizer of baked brie in puff pastry (with an apple/cinnamon topping baked inside). It was a great time with a lot of laughter.

Griff and I enjoyed the entire weekend. Sunday afternoon became a bit more dreary as Don headed back to Chicago and we realized the fun weekend was over and making way for another week of working doldrums. *smile* But we enjoyed one another's company immensely. I love this man. I wonder if/when I'll find it possible to tell him. =) Sometimes I think I should just let it all out there; just tell him how I feel and what I'm thinking. I did that on a smaller scale several weeks ago. And it moved things alone a little bit further. But there are a lot of things that seem difficult for him to overcome in order to advance. I know I'm setting myself up for a possible heartbreak, but then I also remember one of my favorite quotes - "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." Hmmm, I was Googling that to see who deserves the credit for that one, and there seems to be some dueling info out there. Hmmmm! Well, for now let's just say that it's a great quote. =)

OK, I'm very tired and obviously feeling pretty emotional! So, I'll hush for now before I regret this posting!

Sweet dreams to all...

Twos for Tuesday

Two Names You Go By
1. Rene
2. Nay

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. My favorite jeans (that are starting to get a bit too tight!)
2. a shirt that I didn't realize is ripped until I put it on.

Two Things You Have in a Relationship:
1. laughter
2. thoughtfulness

Two of Your Favorite Things to Do
1. cook
2. eat

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment
1. some new art supplies
2. something I shouldn't put into words

Two Pets You Had
1. Angus (my cat who passed away in December)
2. Caleb (my dog who lives up in Chicago)

Two People Who Will Fill This Out
1. Joz?
2. not a clue

Two Things You Did Last Night
1. watched silly/funny/favorite tv shows with GriFF
2. ate a yummy dinner and drank red wine

Two Things You Ate Today
1. pineapple
2. strawberries

Two People You Last Talked To
1. my brother
2. my dad

Two Favorite Places
1. outside
2. Cragenmore

Two Things You're Doing Tomorrow
1. going to Nutrition class
2. going to GriFF's

Two Longest Car Rides
1. Chicago to Lexington, SC
2. Lexington, SC to Effingham, IL

Two Favorite Holidays
1. my birthday
2. Thanksgiving (love the food choices and the "thank" part)

Two Guilty Pleasures
1. long, hot bubble baths
2. sangria, margaritas, dry red wine...

Two Things that Make Me Laugh
1. GriFF's Kermit impression
2. dark humor

Two Things I Last Got in the Mail
1. a pre-approval for a credit card (who are they kidding???)
2. A nice reminder from the IRS that I owe them money.

Hmmm...

I got my Franklin-Covey planner yesterday!!!
It's been months since I've had one...
I tried using a "regular" calendar for the past couple of months
but it just wasn't cutting it for me.
Now I'm working on getting myself more organized.
Goodness knows I need it -
there's quite a bit going on these days
that I seriously need to remember.
It will also help me plan and work toward other goals.
Very cool.

We had another test in my Nutrition class tonight.
I think I did ok on it.
Will know for sure next week!

Work is good...
I'm learning more every day.
I now know that the front of a semi is called a "tractor".
I knew that the back was a "trailer",
but didn't realize the front part had a name!
And, today I learned
that the two front tires on a semi tractor
are called "steers".
The six at the back are called "drivers".
And the ones on the trailer are all called "trailer tires".

A guy came in yesterday and told me he needed two steers.
I nearly told him we don't sell livestock.
Glad I didn't.
I went to get one of the Asst. Managers and told him a guy wanted steers.
I said "what is that?"
He just laughed at me.
So today I asked Tammy what they are.
Then we had a little lesson in how I can
(supposedly) tell the tires apart just by seeing them on the showroom floor.

I know that steers and trailer tires look similar.
You can put steers on a trailer,
but you should not put trailers on a steer position.
And drivers have "lugs" in the tread design.
Hee!
I can't believe I know this stuff...

I've not blogged in a while, so I've got some catching up to do.
Last weekend with GriFF was wonderful...
Friday night he took me out for a very nice dinner.
At The Firefly Grill.
Yum.
It reminded me of Chicago...
*sniff*
I had crabcakes.
GriFF had seared filet of beef with oyster mushrooms.
We each had salads and spaghetti squash for sides.
Shared a bottle of DaVinci Chianti. Delish..
For dessert I had a trio of sorbets (strawberry, peach, and blood orange)
GriFF had a Cafe de Cuba.
I don't like coffee, but I gave it a sip.
It was warm, yummy, and rummy.
Mmmmmm...

It was sweet.
I kept the cork from our wine bottle.
He kept telling me how pretty I looked.
I kept giggling.

Saturday morning we went to the gym.
We both had a good workout,
and then we headed back to his place
to clean up.

We drove to Terre Haute,
ate at the Olive Garden,
looked for tents at Gander Mountain,
and went to see an art exhibit.
GriFF's friend John Ferguson
had a photo in the exhibit.
I think we weren't supposed
to be able to get in.
Only one door was unlocked
and there was a cleaning lady inside.
We hurried upstairs to look around
in case she'd tell us we had to leave.
But she didn't.
When she saw us
she just said "I didn't know anyone was here!"
We were a little disappointed.
Wanted to be "caught"
where we weren't supposed to be.
ha!

We ended up taking a nap
as soon as we got back home.
Then we stayed up until after 2a.m.
Which was really 3a.m.
(welcome to daylight savings time!)

Sunday I was not feeling well
at all.
By evening, I was exhausted,
coughing,
and miserable.
GriFF made dinner,
ran me a hot bath,
and put a candle on the tub ledge.
He was so sweet.
He went to WalMart to get some
Alka-Seltzer Cough.
Ick!
But it did make me feel better.
For a bit.
The bath was fabulous.
I nearly fell asleep in there!
But the best part of all
was how much he cared.

But...

Evan's coming back tomorrow...
Yeah, this little guy.



And he's going to be here for 10 days.

Everyone here at the house
is beyond excited.

Rollercoasters

So
what is it about life
that makes it almost inevitable
that when you start to feel
like something is starting
to become clear
that you've reach a point
of a breakthrough
that you're whipped around a corner
and left with the question
"where the hell am I going???".

So much like a rollercoaster.
You're moving with the hills and the turns
and it seems like it's over
you're going to see the end
but then you're jerked around
on a hairpin turn
and there are more hills and turns
before you really
reach the station.

This feels like
a rollercoaster ride
that may go on
a bit too long.
You know the ones that
are so exciting
and make you laugh and scream
but at some point
you want to yell
"make it stop!
I wanna get off!"

Yeah.
That kind.

*Peace*

A better evening, with some qualifications

Since my last post, things are a bit brighter...
I did a leg workout at the gym.
(Qualification - I wasn't in the mood and didn't get into "the zone", but it still felt good and I feel like I accomplished something.)
I saw GriFF at the gym.
(Qualification - it's such a teaser to see someone special somewhere like the gym. You don't get to really talk to them, and you're left wanting... I guess that's good, though???)
I got a few things from my "to do" list taken care of.

My current living situation is a bit difficult at times. My parents were gracious enough to let me return to the old homestead last fall. I've enrolled in college and am working toward an Associates in Nursing, as an RN. My old room has been an office for several years now. In addition, my brother and my nephew are also living here. So, alone time is pretty much non-existent. As is personal space. But again, they were very gracious to give me a place to hang my hat...

Anyway, tonight we're all sitting here in the living room. They are all watching a movie that appears to be from the 70s and seems to be of the spy variety... I've completed some English Comp homework and am wishing I were now somewhere by myself. I'm feeling the need to be creative. Hmmm...

Well, time to peruse some of my favorite blogs. Here's to a good night's sleep!!!

Bad days...

What is it with certain days?
The ones where you just shouldn't have gotten out of bed...

Work was complete hell this morning.
Mind you, my boss has been a very close friend of mine since we were 5 years old.
But today she's PMSing...
Definitely.
And things haven't been going that well for her lately at work.
Today was the day to process the month end reports,
"margins", she calls them.
There were problems...
Some stuff that we definitely could've caught earlier on.
Some stuff that I just don't understand yet, so I didn't do everything correctly.
Which I hate!!!
*hee*

Then, a truck driver comes in and asks to speak to Tammy (that's my boss).
He seemed normal and in a good mood.
Then he prefaces his conversation with
"I don't want this to sound rude..."
OK, guess what... that means you're planning on being rude!!!
And boy was he!!!
He wouldn't let her get a word in.
He had some bad repairs done at a truck stop in another state.
The repairs were bad, so they told him to go to the nearest location.
Guess where that is - yep, our location...
So, last night he came in.
Mind you, the original location found out we didn't have what was needed to make full repairs... but they sent him anyway???
So, when he arrived at our location last night and was told we couldn't do full repairs, he was FURIOUS.
But, he saved his fury for Tammy.
He kept asking her what was going to be done.
She told him we had done our best.
He kept yelling at her to "stop talking about the past!"
So, she asked him what he would like us to do.
He had no answer.
He was going back and forth between sounding normal and completely INSANE...
I was about to stand up and tell him he needed to exit the premises.
But I knew it would've been bad customer service...
But oh my.
Nuts, I tell you, completely nuts.

He finally left, after telling Tammy that she is incompetent,
the worst manager he's ever seen,
and that she has no idea what is going on in her own shop.

So, none of that was very helpful...

I feel badly for her...

And then the margins were just NOT coming together.

I felt partially responsible...

So I stayed to help.

Which made me run late.

I forgot I needed to get gas.

And I needed to stop at home to get my books.

My class is 35 minutes away. I had 15 minutes to get all of that done and get to class.

So, I'm missing out on the review for our final exam.

It'll be fine. But it's not the way I wanted things to go. *sigh*

Oh well. So many people have things so much worse than I.
Not to mention, I've had things worse than this!!!

So, I figure I should end this with something that makes me smile.
A picture of my nephew, Evan...
Enjoy...